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August 27, 2010

Late August….again

At least this time I’m going home to one of them. Leaving one behind isn’t any easier though.

A year ago…..

It’s August 29, 2009 and Winnipeg is a memory about two hours behind us. I’m heading back to BC again, but this time my son is with me. He’s coming home.

We don’t stop at the border, he just waves goodbye to the Manitoba sign in the rearview mirror with a smile on his face. It’s not Dylan on the stereo, it’s…fuck I don’t know. The boy controls the music, I just listen and enjoy. He mentions bands and singers, the majority of which I do not know. But the nice things is, he has a great sense for it. A good ear for music. I don’t enjoy every song, just every second of the journey.

He took the opportunity to return home and live with me. It doesn’t mean one down and one to go. It means good for him and good for me. It means I will miss my daughter all the more as his being with me reminds me of who is not there too.

It was a great trip and went by way too fast. So did the year.

Now. Today.

August 27, 2010 and I fly home alone after dropping off my daughter in Winnipeg, again. I said before that it never seems to get any easier and it doesn’t. Good. Feelings help you remember. Feelings make you realize how important these things are. But feelings do not make up for the lost time, the days, hours, minutes and seconds that will never ever be yours with your child. Time stolen by circumstance of one’s own making.

But no regrets, they only make you crazy. Find the balance and live the moments you do have with purpose and intensity and pack the days with as many smiles as you can handle.

Damn but I miss my little girl…..

She loves to shop. And she’s good at it. An eye for style. A sense of fashion. But she’s quickly becoming a young lady and not the little girl with the purple bike and training wheels, tassels flapping in the breeze. Now she drives a car on the beach and flies over the sand on a moped. Now she can tear through a Sephora in ten minutes flat, blast through a BeBe, angle through an Aritzia, haul goods from Hollister and still have time to enjoy the over hyped, over scented, overly loud yet delightfully pretentious environs of a nearby Abercrombie & Fitch. And yet, she still catches moon snails by the score, walks on the beach or riding up the space needle with her dad. She’s growing up before my eyes or away from them, but she will always be my little girl. But I miss her so and I’m half way home and the tears are coming and there’s really nothing more for a dad to do but look forward to the next time. It won’t come soon enough….

~ AP

Posted by Anonymous Pundit at August 27, 2010 09:33 AM


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