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June 06, 2007
Powdered Alcohol…….FINALLY!!!
AMSTERDAM, Netherlands (AP) – Just when you thought all the good ideas were taken and there was nothing left to hope for, along comes this from the land that brought you windmills and wooden shoes. Dutch students have invented powdered alcohol that according to them, “…can be legally sold to minors.”
Wow! Now isn’t that a step forward in our social evolutionary cycle? The world can now look forward to more drunk Dutch people, only younger.
“Because the alcohol is not in liquid form, we can legally sell it to people below 16,” said project member Martyn van Nierop.
That’s right folks, in Holland, the drinking age is 16, not the ridiculous 21 in the good old USA or the more reasonable 19 or 18 as it is in most parts of the world. Another project member, 20 year old Harm van Elderen stated, “We are aiming for the youth market. They are really more into it because you can compare it with Bacardi mixed drinks.”
This new innovation in inebriation is called Booz2Go. It is available in 20 gram packets that cost €1-1.5 ($1.35-$2). Top it up with water and you have a bubbly, lime colored and flavored drink with just 3% alcohol content.
Great….. 3% may not sound strong, but that will become yesterday’s news real fast. At 3% you will have to drink so much to get a buzz that you will spend half your time going pee. Mix it with half the water and suddenly it’s 6%. Hey! That’s good for effect. Beer is 5%. Turn it into a sloppy, sludgy, pudding type of mess and it will probably be 12%....better still. How long do you suppose before kids are just pouring the powder into their mouths like candy? I know it will only take me about 5 seconds after I get my hands on that shit. No wait!! I mean if I was young, maybe, it would only take me a short while to try that. But only once I’m sure.
I don’t know what’s more disturbing to me. The fact that it seems that Dutch kids are so dumb that they can’t figure out how to get beer when they’re underage and because of that there is a market for this stuff or the fact that I didn’t come up with it first? Damn. I guess I’ll just have to go back to pouring a package of ‘Kool-Aid’ into my glass full of vodka like I did when I was 15 and be satisfied with that.
~ AP
Posted by Anonymous Pundit at June 6, 2007 08:35 AM