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June 08, 2007
Paris Hilton Goes Back To Jail…….and I just don’t care
LOS ANGELES, California (AP) – As a blog site, Anonymous Pundit is required by law to report on the Paris Hilton situation. But I really, really, really don’t want to. So here goes.
She went back to jail. She cried a lot. She called out for her mommy. She may, just may, have had a small tiny little brain cell finally register that she can’t always do whatever the fuck she wants just because she is who she is.
But I doubt it.
See, if it was you or me, we’d be crying too. But not because we were sent BACK to prison after expecting to serve our time in a huge mansion in Beverly Hills. Nooooo….. We would be crying because we were STILL IN PRISON and nobody would be coming to save us and we just found out that the large heavily muscled man with the knife scars, bad breathe and teardrop tattoos from the corner cell had just ‘won’ us in a card game and was planning to take us out on a ‘date’ tonight, which really means anal rape and a first hand learning experience about what the term ‘Prison Bitch’ really means. Yes, I would indeed be crying.
See, I’m trying to care about poor little Paris…..but I just can’t. I just can’t give a damn. I would love to live the kind of life where I might get told that I’m not allowed to drive my $600,000.00 Mercedes / McLaren gullwing sports car for a year. Man, that would suck. Yeah, that would suck waaaayyyy more than having to actually WORK for a living in a world that doesn’t give a shit about me.
~ AP
Posted by Anonymous Pundit at 03:21 PM | Comments (0)
June 06, 2007
Powdered Alcohol…….FINALLY!!!
AMSTERDAM, Netherlands (AP) – Just when you thought all the good ideas were taken and there was nothing left to hope for, along comes this from the land that brought you windmills and wooden shoes. Dutch students have invented powdered alcohol that according to them, “…can be legally sold to minors.”
Wow! Now isn’t that a step forward in our social evolutionary cycle? The world can now look forward to more drunk Dutch people, only younger.
“Because the alcohol is not in liquid form, we can legally sell it to people below 16,” said project member Martyn van Nierop.
That’s right folks, in Holland, the drinking age is 16, not the ridiculous 21 in the good old USA or the more reasonable 19 or 18 as it is in most parts of the world. Another project member, 20 year old Harm van Elderen stated, “We are aiming for the youth market. They are really more into it because you can compare it with Bacardi mixed drinks.”
This new innovation in inebriation is called Booz2Go. It is available in 20 gram packets that cost €1-1.5 ($1.35-$2). Top it up with water and you have a bubbly, lime colored and flavored drink with just 3% alcohol content.
Great….. 3% may not sound strong, but that will become yesterday’s news real fast. At 3% you will have to drink so much to get a buzz that you will spend half your time going pee. Mix it with half the water and suddenly it’s 6%. Hey! That’s good for effect. Beer is 5%. Turn it into a sloppy, sludgy, pudding type of mess and it will probably be 12%....better still. How long do you suppose before kids are just pouring the powder into their mouths like candy? I know it will only take me about 5 seconds after I get my hands on that shit. No wait!! I mean if I was young, maybe, it would only take me a short while to try that. But only once I’m sure.
I don’t know what’s more disturbing to me. The fact that it seems that Dutch kids are so dumb that they can’t figure out how to get beer when they’re underage and because of that there is a market for this stuff or the fact that I didn’t come up with it first? Damn. I guess I’ll just have to go back to pouring a package of ‘Kool-Aid’ into my glass full of vodka like I did when I was 15 and be satisfied with that.
~ AP
Posted by Anonymous Pundit at 08:35 AM | Comments (0)
June 01, 2007
It’s Just Crazy
Have you ever noticed that if you hold a seashell net to your ear you can hear the ocean. But then if you put your ear next to the ocean, you can’t hear the shell. I mean, “Hello!” A little consistency here please Mr. God. The way this is, it’s just crazy.
~ AP
Posted by Anonymous Pundit at 07:26 AM | Comments (0)