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February 24, 2007
Al Gore and the Inconvenient Bandwagon
Hollywood, CA (AP) - In typical Hollywood fashion, producers and directors are jumping on the Al Gore bandwagon before there’s band or even a wagon. And why? Because Al Gore, ex Vice President of the USA is heavily favored to win an Oscar tomorrow for his so called documentary, ‘An Inconvenient Truth’ which deals with and may well be a contributing factor towards the hot topic of the year….Global Warming.
Since nothing breeds success like success, opportunities are being thrown at Gore from all corners. But this Hollywood insider has the scoop on what Al is already planning next. In a discreetly overheard discussion, Al was explaining to a small room full of supporters what his next project is al about.
[the voice of Al Gore]
“….so you see folks, everything is connected in one way or another, and in this case like so many other of the world’s gravest issues, it all comes back to global warming. At first I couldn’t believe the connection, but then as I researched it further, just as I did for ‘An Inconvenient Truth’, the truth came out. And this is how it works….
See, if you are all tense and your muscles are sore; what’s the best thing to do? That’s right. You jump in that hot tub of yours or you take a long hot bath. The heat relaxes you. And THAT is the key. See, it’s not the water, it’s the heat that does it. The heat causes your muscles to relax. And that is why so many parts of America are starting to smell like a rest stop bathroom. Because of global warming, people are exposed to constantly rising temperatures and because of these subtle but very real changes, our muscles are staying more relaxed and that is causing more and more Americans to become more and more incontinent. And not just Americans, but Australians and Canadians and Germans and the list goes on and on.
[a male voice from another part of the room]
What about the French? Does it include the French?
[Al Gore]
We’re not sure about the French since so many of them smell like pee already. But what we do know is that the effects of global warming are very real and sales of adult incontinence protection products like Depends are consistently climbing along with the global temperatures. How much more proof do you really need than that?
[a female voice]
Does your new project have a name yet?
[Al Gore]
Yes it does. My new documentary will be called: “An Inconvenient Poop” I think people will be moved by it.
[a different male voice from inside the room]
But Al, don’t you think the rise in sales of Depends is more closely linked to the aging population than global warming?
[Al Gore]
No. Definitely not. That argument doesn’t fit our ‘perception set’ and therefore has no validity. Nope. When your Grandmother or Grandfather have their little ‘accidents’ in the supermarket, it’s because of global warming.
[the female voice again]
How would you best describe the, um, phenomenon around ‘An Inconvenient Truth’ and the people who are so swept up in it?
[Al Gore]
I wouldn’t describe it as a phenomenon. I prefer to think of it as a huge movement.
[the previous male voice]
You got that right Al.
(at this point the tape stops….)
~ AP
Posted by Anonymous Pundit at February 24, 2007 10:21 AM