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January 30, 2007
The Pickton Follies Chapter #3
…or, The Other Pickton Trial Blog
Willie Pickton is getting nervous. The evidence is coming out now and the true horror of the situation is starting to settle in for Willie. Something so terrible that he couldn’t have imagined it in his wildest dreams and worst nightmares.
When the magnitude of the crimes began to settle into the minds of our police forces, they realized that they were woefully unprepared for what lay ahead. And so they embarked on a mission to quickly learn how conduct the investigation properly, to properly do the forensic work that would be required. They spent almost $300 dollars acquiring every episode of CSI and watched them over and over again. Then they went to New York to see how they processed the Trade Center site in their search for human remains. They learned a lot and came back to Vancouver and started digging.
See, it wasn’t all easy stuff like finding heads in freezers and feet in 'hooker heel' stilettos in the veggie crisper. Noooo…..it was about processing the entire property down to “virgin” earth. They dug up and moved over 380,000 cubic meters of dirt and sent it all down conveyor belts to sifting apparatus’ in their search for bits of teeth and bones, and thanks to the pig’s digestive tracks it was literally a shitty job.
To put this last bit in perspective, Waikiki beach is not exactly natural. It is in fact a man made beach that was made all pretty like after WWII in an effort to build tourism there. When the beach was created to cover up the earlier crappy version with pebbles, rough sand and volcanic rock. To make that beautiful stretch of beach they trucked in only 100,000 cubic meters of sand. Indeed they have to add to it every year as the tides and waves wash it away a few grains at a time, but after years of this it has done a nice job of filling in the ocean floor immediately offshore.
But at Pickton’s farm, they moved almost four times that amount. Four times!!! By any stretch of the imagination that is a lot of dirt. It became the largest physical and forensic investigation in Canada’s history. And from there has come the Pundit’s un-named and inside source of the rumors that have Willie Pickton so frightened, disturbed, shocked and scared.
You see, Willie Pickton has heard that not only did they find bits and pieces of the girls he is accused of murdering, he has heard something for more terrible than that. Something that could bring upon him years of pain and suffering. Years of wondering what can a man actually own in this country and is anything truly his? Apparently, Willie Pickton has been told that they found bones and remains of Aboriginal people in the ground, that he built his farm on an old native burial ground!!!!
The horrific ramifications of such a find can send chills down the spine of even the toughest of men. Nobody can hope to stand up to the horrors of what happens when federally and provincially funded lawyers and native land claim specialists descend upon an unsuspecting landowner. Nobody……
Now maybe it’s just a ploy to rock slick Willie’s confidence, to shake him into admitting he did it so he can go and defend his farm. Or maybe, it’s a ploy by a wise defense council to make the public feel sorry for Willie Pickton, because let’s face it, in Canada, finding old bones on your property is one of the worst things that can happen to a man. Far worse than a simple prison term. If you’re ever digging a hole and find some native artifacts, dig a deeper hole right next to the first one, smash the bones and bowls with your shovel and toss them all right back into the ground and cover them up for good. Pour a concrete pad and build a garden shed on top for good measure. It may be the only way you can save your land.
~ AP
Posted by Anonymous Pundit at 04:44 PM | Comments (0)
January 27, 2007
The Pickton Follies, Chapter #2
…or “The Other Pickton Trial Blog”
Canada is no longer just Maple Syrup and hockey players. Right now Canada is getting GLOBAL press because of our very own Willie Pickton. Hooker killer extraordinaire. He has put us up front and center on a stage that had been reserved for other players in other times and places. So take that Texas, with your Texas Chainsaw ‘Pussy’ Massacre. Take that London, England with your Jack the Underachieving Ripper. How many did he get? A half a dozen? Our Willie is going down for six now and 23 more that we know about. He’s basically confessed to 49. The only question in my mind is: “Who is going to play him in the movie?”
C’mon….don’t shriek in horror at the notion. You KNOW it’s going to happen. Somebody is either going to make the whole thing into a ‘docu-horror’ or reset the story in Nebraska or someplace else where cities border on rural areas where ugly, lonely men have pig farms.
So of course it makes me wonder who will get the starring role. I don’t think this is a good vehicle for Johhny Depp. “Pirates of the Pig Farm” will never sell. Robert Deniro could do it…but I don’t think he would do it. Though for some reason I am intrigued by my desire to see a scene where he would be standing in front of a mirror with a gore encrusted wood chipper visible in the background saying: “You talkin’ to me? Are you talkin’ to me?” Noooo….I don’t think Bobby Deniro is the one. Brad Pitt? No. George Clooney? I don’t think so. Quentin Tarantino would probably want to do it which is probably reason enough not to let him. Eddie Murphy is wrong in too many ways to count, and there is always the risk of him making sequels with names like “Beverley Hills Chop 3.” We can’t let that happen.
Maybe we need a Canadian actor like Keifer Sutherland for the role. He’s just edgy enough looking to pull it off. Yeah, maybe we could have the movie opening with him waking up in a daze in a squalid house on a squalid farm, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes along with the memories of the night before. Driving around in a van with home made id and telling people he works for CPU. The ‘Counter Prostitute Unit’. A bit of a stretch perhaps, but then again, so was the notion of a guy feeding hookers to pigs until a few years ago. Come to think, maybe his Dad, Donald Sutherland would be a good choice.
Perhaps part of my problem imagining a leading actor is that I just don’t get the role or rather, the motivation. I don’t understand Willie himself, and lord knows I don’t think I want to.
I can understand that people murder other people sometimes. But usually they do their best to get away with it. They try to get rid of every last shred of the crime. They usually fail of course or we wouldn’t have CSI’s popping up all over the place.
But the way Willie did it, I don't get it. He used his meat cutting band saw to vertically bisect several hooker heads. After scooping out the brains for pig food he then froze them. That's what I don't get. He had the pigs. He had the wood chipper / hooker grinder. What the hell did he keep the heads around for? Door stops? Ash trays? Did he sit there on his couch stubbing cigarettes out in their overfilled skulls while saying things to them like; “See? See what smoking does? Smoking is BAD for you!!” Perhaps he did weekend rehearsals of Hamlet for the 4-H drama club? I just don’t know. It's all pretty damn sick if you ask me. There's not a lot that would make Caligula cringe, but I think we may have found it.
Of course it's come out that he sold the pig meat (and other 'meat' products that he ground up into sausages) to some of the Hell's Angels. That just came out yesterday so I think his prison life expectancy just went down a notch. Let us hope.
~ AP
Posted by Anonymous Pundit at 11:12 PM | Comments (0)
“Hey!! Send me to Syria!!”
City of Ass Kissers, Canada (AP) - Canada's prime minister apologized to Maher Arar on Friday and announced the government would compensate him C$10.5 million (US$8.9 million) for its role in his deportation from the U.S. to Syria, where he was tortured while held in prison for nearly a year.
Not only that, but they paid his legal bills which totaled nearly $3,000,000.00
Fuck.
Here I am working every day and dealing with societal morons in an ongoing dance of stupidity, and what do I get? Bills in the mail. Try dealing with brain addled seniors from Boise who don’t understand why they don’t get a free breakfast in your hotel. Now that’s torture. And I sure as hell don’t get $1,198.00 per hour for my troubles. What did Arar get? A couple of shocks? Some sleep deprivation? Pussy. Tell him to make a movie with Meg Ryan and call it ‘Sleepless in Damascus’ and be done with it. He made $1,198.00 per hour, 24 hours a day for 365 days. That’s even more than most professional hockey or football players!! (Not as much as David Beckham….but he’s a god after all)
So here I am suffering day after day. And not for only a year. This has been going on for many years now with no end in sight. But……maybe not. I have an idea.
**********************************************************
This is an open letter to the dim bulbs in the Canadian Security and Intelligence Service:
Dear Sirs:
I may not look like I was born in Syria. I may not even sound like I was born in Syria. But how can you be sure? The fact is…..you can’t, can you? Maybe I’ve done such a good job of hiding all these years, starting in the womb of some lady who thinks she’s my mother, that you will now lose sleep just thinking of me. Well, I have a solution for you.
Send me to Syria.
Send me to Syria for a little violent R&R. I could stand dropping a few pounds anyway. Send me there for a year, which will be enough time for you to actually think long enough to realize that I am not a terrorist and then bring me home. Fly me to Ottawa so I can stay in some swanky hotel for a few months. Get me some fine food and a few women, ‘cause lord knows I will need some by then. Get the Prime Minister du Jour to kiss my fine ass. (Twice if he’s from Quebec) And for all of this service to the country I will only charge you $9,000,000.00.
That’s quite a discount off the going rate and in this day and age of budget constraints, a discount I am sure you will appreciate.
In turn, I will tell the world what wonderful people you really are, how you were just doing your job and how in some small way, I have done my part to help make this world a better place because of the efforts of the Canadian Government.
Then, I will get my kids and say, “Hey! We aren’t just going to Disneyland…..we’re gonna god damned live there!!”
*********************************************************
Man, let me tell you, it feels good to be such a caring, giving person.
~ AP
Posted by Anonymous Pundit at 07:25 AM | Comments (0)
January 25, 2007
AirTran…..We Salute You !!!
Maybe this story should have been titled: “It’s about fucking time!!”
For those of you who have been living under a rock the last two days, here’s what has happened. AirTran, an airline serving primarily the eastern area of the United States, ejected a three year old girl and her parents from a flight because the three year old was screaming and yelling and crying uncontrollably. She was being a nasty little troll and her mollycoddling parents were either unable or unwilling to do what needed to be done to shut her up. And so the airline gave them the boot.
When I first heard of this story my heart went out to the airline because I figured they would be pilloried and hounded by the press, and I believe, that is exactly what the press tried to do. Let’s face it, for the most part the press are a bunch of liberal, politically correct twerps and they love nothing more than a chance to demonstrate their moral superiority in how they report a story. Well, I suffer no such delusions. If political correctness could be held in a bucket, I would find that bucket and kick it over, spilling the contents to the four winds. And so it goes with this story, because it hasn’t gone away.
Here’s how the ABC news tried to spin it:
On Jan. 14, 3-year-old Elly Kulesza and her parents, Julie and Gerald, were kicked off an AirTran Airways flight from Florida to their Worcester, Mass., home because Elly would not stop crying.
Elly, who had been a model passenger on the flight to Florida four days earlier, began to cry uncontrollably once she got on the plane, throwing a temper tantrum on the floor.
AirTran employees demanded that the Kuleszas calm down their child. When Elly didn't stop crying, the crew banned the Kuleszas from flying for 24 hours. Later, AirTran offered an apology to the family along with a refund on their tickets.
"As we have an obligation to the 112 other passengers onboard the flight to operate the flight on time," AirTran said in a statement, "we had to make an operational decision to ask the Kulesza party to deplane so the flight could depart."
Passengers Sympathetic, Unlike Crew, Parents Say
On "Good Morning America," the Kuleszas insisted that their toddler wasn't doing anything out of the ordinary.
"I don't know what happened. No one can tell when something like this is going to happen. She had a great morning, but then she got on the plane and she started to cry," Julie Kulesza said.
"She's like the typical 3-year-old. She has her moments, but overall she's a very, very good child."
The Kuleszas said that unlike the AirTran crew, the passengers on the flight were sympathetic to their situation.
What a bunch of horseshit. When I have found myself imprisoned in a flying tube with some petulant little brat, I want to shoot a hole in the fuselage just so I can watch it get sucked out into the atmosphere. It is only because of deep rooted urges of self preservation that I am able to restrain myself. That and beer. That and beer and the fact that I don’t carry firearms onto planes. Some people are uncomfortable when I do that and so I have an agreement with the airlines of the world. I don’t carry guns onto their planes and they let me fly with them. But back to the kid.
Look, I am a father and I have two kids and they too had their moments. But they would always calm down when I needed them to. On a couple of occasions I chose to depart a location early because of their behavior, but it wasn’t about embarrassment. It was about my unwillingness to make others around me suffer needlessly because of me. In other words, I treated them as I would have them treat me.
I have also run restaurants through the years and on several occasions have asked parents to take their screaming and or misbehaving whelps out of my restaurant. Always to the applause and thanks of those patrons who came in for a meal, not a circus. One father stated loudly that they would never come back. I asked him if that was a promise. I guess it was, though he looked none too pleased at the time. But on each occasion I also did the right thing and wrote off their meals. And that is what the AirTran did too. They refunded the price of the tickets and parted with those customers. But what AirTran really did was not provide bad service to the Kulesza family, it provided excellent service to the other 112 customers on their flight and I hope that in so doing that they opened the door for other airlines to start doing the same.
As I said, it’s about time airlines started worrying about the 'other' passengers and quit worrying about offending a very small few. (Are you paying attention Air Canada???)
Now if only they will start to do the same with passengers who smell like yaks…..
In closing and for the record, the press has done some serious backpedaling because the airline has been inundated with compliments and thanks for how they handled things. If you want to share your feelings with AirTran or better yet, book a flight with them, click the link and have a good flight. AirTran
~ AP
Posted by Anonymous Pundit at 08:28 AM | Comments (0)
January 22, 2007
The Pickton Follies, Chapter #1
…or “The Other Pickton Trial Blog”
Ok, this is not going to be kind. This is not going to be politically correct. This is going to be sick, sad, funny, disturbing, strange and sure to piss a few people off.
Good. It should.
This is being written because a terrible thing happened out on Pickton’s farm. Joni Mitchell sure as hell won’t write about this one like she did o’le Yasgur’s piece of property. This wasn’t Woodstock and hippies and music and drugs and love. And though there probably were some drugs, this was mostly about hooker heads and wood chippers and pigs on a special diet. This….is gonna get grim.
Robert William (Willie) Pickton is supposed to be presumed innocent until proven guilty. Sure. Let’s do that. Let’s presume somebody else put those vertically bisected heads in his freezer. Let’s assume that shall we.
Fuck no!!
Let’s not assume that. Let’s for once just take things at the obvious face value and assume that we did the forensic stuff right and that he is guilty. I am going to do that for the selfish reason that I cannot abide the notion that if he didn’t do it, then the person or person’s who did are still out there. NO. I will proceed under the assumption and presumption that Willie Pickton did indeed kill all those women and that we are going through the motions of appeasing our sense of propriety in providing him a trial before we do the namby-pamby Canadian thing and put him in jail at great expense to the taxpayers. I hate being able to do the math and know that some of the money I earn and pay in taxes will help keep him alive. That pisses me off. But it is what it is I guess. And here’s what it is…..Willie Pickton did kill all those women and he is one sick motherfucker.
I won’t be writing about this every day. That would surely rot my brain and yours as well if you read it all. I don’t want to add to that as there will be enough in the media around you that soon you will grow numbed to the excessive horrors of what happened. Soon there will be dinner conversations like:
“Did you hear that he scooped out that one girl’s eyes with a spoon?”
“I thought it was a fork.”
“No, channel 9 said it was a spoon.”
“A teaspoon?”
“They didn’t say.”
“I think a soupspoon would be better, don’t you?”
“Depends. If it was round it might not work as well as one of those oval ones. I think one of those oval ones would be best. That’s what I would use if I was scooping out a eyeball to feed to the pigs.”
“You’re probably right dear. I’ll try to remember that in case I ever need to. By the way, are we having potatoes or rice tonight?”
“Rice dear. We’ll need a spoon to scoop it out of the bowl. One of the oval ones?”
“Yes, that would probably be best.”
~ AP
Posted by Anonymous Pundit at 11:07 PM | Comments (0)
January 10, 2007
January 3rd……..
I’m still keeping track. I have to. I can't help it. He’s my son after all.
~ AP
Posted by Anonymous Pundit at 09:27 AM | Comments (0)