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February 22, 2006
I am Canadian. I am a man. And I want to have sex with hockey players.
There. I’ve admitted it. It’s true. And I am having a terrible time trying to deal with a whole ton of mixed emotions here.
I have been programmed almost from birth to understand what a hockey player is all about. Tough, scarred, toothless and rugged. A fearsome lout wearing a plastic cup to protect his balls and wielding a brutally effective weapon called a ‘stick.’ The hockey player is our hero. Our Babe Ruth on ice. The reason we tolerate the winter cold.
And yet here I am, feeling an almost overwhelming urge to get all cuddly and intimate with so many hockey players. It hurts my brain as my subconscious struggles with my newly found desires.
But lest you go thinking this is gonna be another ‘Brokeback Mountain’ kind of story played out on center ice, I want you to understand just what hockey players I’m talking about. I’m talking about these ones.
That’s right. The US Women's Hockey Team. And the Swedes. And a the Canadians. And probably a lot of the others.
I mean, check out this picture of the Swedish goal tender, Kim Martin.
I look at that picture and it screams out to me, “Score here!!”
And then watching all the girls at the end of the game gave me another idea. There they are all hugging each other and they’ve all got that sweaty hair thing happening. It made me think that the next time the girlfriend and I are finished a good solid tear the sheets off the bed, knock over a nightstand or two, ignore the neighbors for a couple hours as they scream at us to quiet the fuck down kind of roll in the hay, and I look over and see her with her hair all sweaty and her face flushed and she’s slowly getting her breathing back to normal, I’ll say in the most loving of ways, “Hey babe, you look like you’ve just played a hockey game. You look really hot.”
And then she’ll do that special ‘thing’ she does to show me she loves me. You know, where she elbows me in the head and then hip checks me into the bathroom door while yelling, “Do you think you could be even less sensitive?!?!”
God I love hockey. Especially the players.
~ AP
Posted by Anonymous Pundit at February 22, 2006 06:12 PM
Comments
Ha! You act like you've never heard the expression "Dikes on Spikes." Hello? There's a reason they're all hugging each other... and not any men.
Posted by: paralaxe at February 23, 2006 10:26 PM
"Dikes on spikes?" Are you referriing to the time that Vlad the Impaler tried to reduce the lesbian population of Transylvania? Or are you referring to the comments made about lady pro golfers? Because one's just an unpleasant lie and the other, due to a lazy spike sharpening crew, turned into more of a massive wooden dildo lesbian love fest. It in fact was the inspiration for the Canadian hardware chain, Beaver Lumber. I'll bet you didn't know that.
AP
Posted by: Anonymous Pundit at February 25, 2006 12:15 PM
What the hell are you thinking? hockey players? You love it rough don't you?
Posted by: brooke at March 3, 2006 07:07 PM