« December 2005 | Main | February 2006 »
January 31, 2006
Can you spot the British Girl?
That’s right. Somewhere in this picture is a British girl, can you tell who it is?
While stopping by a beach resort in Fort Myers recently, there was a ‘bathing suit’ competition, and the competition was fierce indeed. As far as I am concerned, everybody watching won. But since there could only be one winner, the judges chose the Canadian girl in the flowered print bikini. Apparently the competition included a quiz on Hockey. (The only way the flowered blue bikini could have won without engaging the judges in a torrid session of oral sex right before the competition. Of course that doesn't mean it didn't happen too.)
The British girl? She’s on the balcony in the background wishing she had brought a two piece bathing suit. But you knew that didn’t you?
~ AP
Posted by Anonymous Pundit at 08:29 PM | Comments (0)
January 30, 2006
Never Eat Anything Bigger Than Your Head…….
I had read that somewhere before, though I can’t remember where or when. The advice, if you take it as such, always seemed right, if even in a superficial kind of, “Well, yeah, I guess that makes sense,” kind of way.
But then you run across this…….
….and it all becomes so vibrantly clear.
The image is not doctored or in today’s modern vernacular, photoshopped. It is real. And real scary. Scary because somebody came up with this magnificent edible structure because, and this is important….there was a market for it. Maybe the attempt was a dare. Or maybe it is a real effort, rewarded perhaps with the promise of free food if you finish. I dunno. Nothing that size, if consumed, is truly free. There will be a cost I assure you. It may come in the form or ridicule or it may come as a tag line on a coroner’s report; “He ate something bigger than his head.” It may even come as realized guilt, knowing there is a village in Ghana that could have survived for a week on that one, single burger.
But then, to say we can’t eat anything bigger than our head would be limiting us wouldn’t it? Restricting our freedom to do stupid things. And that is one freedom I will NOT give up easily. So what the hell. Chow down big guy!! Go for it. Just make sure you pause long enough to remove the toothpick holding down the pickles.
Me, I’m off to try dirt bike riding. It looks like fun.
~ AP
Posted by Anonymous Pundit at 07:19 AM | Comments (2)
January 24, 2006
The World of Wonders…..”You part your hair where?!?!!”
Sometimes I don’t know what to say other than, “I’m sorry.”
I’m sorry that I found this. I’m sorry that I had to pass it along and share it with you. But it was like a song, a tune that I couldn’t get out of my head without a bullet or sharing it with the world. And so I have done just that.
I’m not sure what the blue ribbon is. Maybe a prize ribbon of some kind? But it looks kind of like leather which would make it not so much a ‘blue ribbon’ but a ‘blue strap’ and that brings up sooooo many ugly possible images. I am pleased that we can only see the back even though it drags with it the mixed emotions of not knowing for sure if it’s a girl or a guy. One of those I want to know but I don’t want to know situations.
Of course he, she or it may be cause to open a whole new line of consumer products…..
“Thinking of hair removal? Think about Black & Decker!!”
~ AP
Posted by Anonymous Pundit at 01:26 PM | Comments (0)
OK….so it wasn’t Wagner…..still a good song though
Stephen Harper is now going to be the Prime Minister of Canada. This is a good thing.
But Canada’s parliament is now a contradictory mess. It is now more balanced than it has been in over a decade, with a with a better cross country representation by the ruling party than has existed in nearly a generation, with Conservative members of parliament elected from coast to coast. And that in and of itself is great. But….the province of Quebec has again elected a majority of treasonous bastards (the Bloq Quebecois) and Canada’s very own gaggle of communists, the NDP has increased its share of the main house. To me it’s unacceptable, but, it is also the price of democracy and one that I will defend. Even if I believe that a person has to be dangerously mentally deficient to be able to vote for them. Perhaps the votes cast for them were just protest votes against the Liberals? I hope so. I can almost accept that.
So the fat lady sang and now she’s shuffling offstage, whistling a happy tune and waiting for her next appearance, which should come sooner rather than later. Till then, I’ll be waiting and watching and criticizing socialism whenever I can. It is after all, the ‘right’ thing to do.
~ AP
Posted by Anonymous Pundit at 08:12 AM | Comments (0)
January 23, 2006
The Fat Lady Is About To Sing……
It’s all over but the counting here in Canada. Once again we trundled off to the voting booths and cast our ballots in the good cause of democracy. A cause where there’s no right votes and no wrong votes. So long as you vote. If you don’t exercise your right to vote if you have the capacity to do so, then you are beneath contempt and I hope misery befalls you.
This was a fascinating election here in the great white north. Many new facets and changes and I will discuss them later, after the announcements come down later tonight.
It looks like we’ll get a change, and from this pundit’s perspective, that is good. If the Conservatives do get in, I will never be so happy to have been wrong in my early prediction.
Coverage in the USA was better than ever before. It was refreshing to see the awareness of our election. I’m still trying to decide of that is because there is better awareness of our political scene, or if it is because our dingbat Prime Minster, Paul Martin and his predecessor, Jean Chrétien were so openly and ignorantly anti American in their political posturing. A couple of political whores of the worst order those two. It will be especially sweet to see them slink off into political obscurity. Even that lying, liberal twerp, Michael Moore waded into the fray with an open letter to us Canadians (see extended entry), proving once again that he truly is a moron of grand stature. I received the letter in the form of an email at the last minute in an effort to sway my vote. I responded in a well deserved and very unkind letter to the sender. What an empty and brainless soul that he should think that an opinion of Michael Moore would have even the slightest possibility of affecting my decision.
In a day and age where progressive thinking is needed, I am convinced more than ever that Jack Layton is a pinhead. He and his socialist cronies are so completely out of touch with the world around them that is it comical to watch them trumpet their ignorance for all to see. Their platforms are nothing more than a re-hash of a failed political idea, but, they sure sound good in some ways don’t they? Of course that’s because it’s easy to make promises and take altruistic stands when you know you will NEVER….EVER form a government and have to live up to your commitments.
I’ve stayed out of the debates and election rhetoric to this point in time in an effort to remain sane and calm. But with coming of the new dawn, I will have fun as I see fit, at the expense of some and in cautious praise of others.
The fat lady is about to sing, we’re just not sure what song yet. All we do know, is that her play list changed over the last eight weeks and the coming music holds the promise of a sweet melody indeed.
~ AP
Michael Moore Statement on Canadian Election
Friday, January 20th, 2006
Michael Moore is currently in production on his next movie. As an avid lover of all things Canadian, he has issued the following statement regarding Canada's upcoming election on Monday:
Oh, Canada -- you're not really going to elect a Conservative majority on Monday, are you? That's a joke, right?
I know you have a great sense of humor, and certainly a well-developed sense of irony, but this is no longer funny. Maybe it's a new form of Canadian irony -- reverse irony! OK, now I get it. First, you have the courage to stand against the war in Iraq -- and then you elect a prime minister who's for it. You declare gay people have equal rights -- and then you elect a man who says they don't. You give your native peoples their own autonomy and their own territory -- and then you vote for a man who wants to cut aid to these poorest of your citizens. Wow, that is intense! Only Canadians could pull off a hat trick of humor like that. My hat's off to you.
Far be it from me, as an American, to suggest what you should do. You already have too many Americans telling you what to do. Well, actually, you've got just one American who keeps telling you to roll over and fetch and sit. I hope you don't feel this appeal of mine is too intrusive but I just couldn't sit by, as your friend, and say nothing. Yes, I agree, the Liberals have some 'splainin' to do. And yes, one party in power for more than a decade gets a little... long. But you have a parliamentary system (I'll bet you didn't know that -- see, that's why you need Americans telling you things!). There are ways at the polls to have your voices heard other than throwing the baby out with the bath water.
These are no ordinary times, and as you go to the polls on Monday, you do so while a man running the nation to the south of you is hoping you can lend him a hand by picking Stephen Harper because he's a man who shares his world view. Do you want to help George Bush by turning Canada into his latest conquest? Is that how you want millions of us down here to see you from now on? The next notch in the cowboy belt? C'mon, where's your Canadian pride? I mean, if you're going to reduce Canada to a cheap download of Bush & Co., then at least don't surrender so easily. Can't you wait until he threatens to bomb Regina? Make him work for it, for Pete's sake.
But seriously, I know you're not going to elect a guy who should really be running for governor of Utah. Whew! I knew it! You almost had me there. Very funny. Don't do that again. God, I love you, you crazy cold wonderful neighbors to my north. Don't ever change.
Michael Moore
Posted by Anonymous Pundit at 02:50 PM | Comments (0)
January 14, 2006
Abject Stupidity or Religious Fervor…..which is safer?
As difficult as it may be to believe, for the sake of this article, let’s say that the two options are in fact mutually exclusive.
Events two days ago in Mina, Saudi Arabia bring this question to light as yet another tragedy at the annual Hajj. I know. It’s getting to be old news already. Another Hajj, another stampede. Another Hajj, another stampede. But what I don’t get, is why?
The choice of the word itself troubles me. Stampede. Unfortunately accurate. Now call me crazy if you must, but I find it hard to go along with the notion that human beings stampede. Cattle, yes. Wild horses, yes. Antelope, yes. Lemmings, certainly. But people? I would hope not. But apparently I would be wrong.
One common thread in the above list is an inability to perform even basic mathematical problems. In other words, simple application of logic and independent decision making capacity. The opposite of the ‘herd’ instinct. They lack it and as such, are prone to running hither and yon in a state of temporary madness over themselves and anything else in their path. Death ensues. As it does at the Hajj, year after year as the ‘pilgrims’ are caught up in their religious fervor.
Now, for comparison, let’s consider an example of abject stupidity…….
The running of the bulls in Pamplona, Spain.
As you can see by the pictures, a small group or herd of bulls is allowed to ‘stampede’ through the streets of Pamplona.
An intelligent person would, simply as a matter of self preservation, avoid the situation. But no. There in the middle of the stampede are human beings. People who are there without the inclusion of religious fervor into the equation, but rather are there for no other explainable reason than abject stupidity.
So which situation is more dangerous? Finding yourself facing down a one thousand pound angry bull with sharp horns and a bad attitude running right at you with nowhere to go but over or through you?
Or wandering around in a bed sheet throwing pebbles at a pillar of stone that is supposed to represent, get this, ‘the devil’?
Now sure, if you slip some acid into my beer, you might find me wrapped in a sheet and tossing stones at a fencepost or a mailbox or even at my own melting reflection in a mirror. But if I had to make a conscious, rational and sober choice, I’d have to go with the bulls any day.
Personally speaking, I think both activities are completely retarded. There is nothing you will ever be able to say to me that will convince me that either activity holds one shread of reason. And yet, year after year these events are repeated. And here are the statistics:
Since 1924, there have been a total of 13 deaths during the running of the bulls. That’s only 13 people, people. I find it amazing that few have been killed.
In the last 20 years alone, there have been 2,902 recorded deaths at the Hajj because of stampedes or other equally stupid actions. (And this number does NOT include things like the recent structural collapse of an entire hotel in Mecca a few days before the stampede) I guess terms like ‘crowd control’ and ‘safety standards’ just aren’t very common in camel country. I think they need some Germans event coordinators to come in and run the show. Germans are good with crowds. It would be like Nuremburg all over again but without the swastikas and all that Nazi stuff. Ok, maybe a few. But since it’s not exactly a pro Israel crowd, I don’t think it would be that big a deal.
In short, it is obvious that it is safer to be neither abjectly stupid nor fervently religious. But if you have to be one or the other, go with stupid. It’s better. If only for the fans. Your not gonna see a lot of that in Mecca.
~ AP
Posted by Anonymous Pundit at 03:34 PM | Comments (2)
January 13, 2006
Notes to my son…..#23
Sometimes it’s ok to lie about your age. But not to yourself.
~ AP
Posted by Anonymous Pundit at 06:56 PM | Comments (0)
January 12, 2006
Shoot a Pope….get out of Jail
Shoot a Pope, get out of jail. Shoot a Pope, get out of jail. What is this world coming to?
Mehmet Ali Agca got out of jail today, slightly less than 25 years after shooting Pope John-Paul II on May 13th, 1981.
It seems like just three or four hundred years ago that if you shot a Pope, you would pray for a quick death. Unless you were the ‘new’ Pope, in which case you wouldn’t pray for a quick death. Maybe a slow altar boy, but not a quick death.
It makes me wonder what sort of message we’re sending the youth of this world when you can get away with stuff like that. I know we’re supposed to be all Christian and stuff. You know, “Forgive and forget,” “Turn the other cheek,” and shit like that. But it makes me wonder if Catholics aren’t the reason for all the terrorists.
Huh?
Yeah. Go out right now and find the Big Kahuna of the Muslim world and pop him in the belly with a pistol shot and see how long you live. See how quick they forgive. It’s like we’re giving the message, “Its ok to fuck with the Christian world because all we’re gonna do is forgive you. No. Really. It’s ok. C’mon over and shoot a Pope or a Bishop or two. Prison food isn’t that bad after all, and it’s all free!”
Ok, so maybe I’m pushing it a little. I guess what I’m really trying to say is that Jessica Simpson is hot. (Ooohhh....now how did that slip in there?) That and we should chop up terrorists and Pope shooters into tiny little bits and charge their families for the trouble at full union rates.
Maybe then they’ll stop wanting to shoot our Popes.
Then we can concentrate on important things like Jessica Simpson. And Brangelina Jopitt. And the new iPod that is due to come out a week before the next new iPod. Y’know. The important stuff.
~ AP
Posted by Anonymous Pundit at 11:47 AM | Comments (0)