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July 03, 2005
Live 8 is done…thankfully…
Yes, the global experience that proved once again that the ego of a washed up, one hit wonder of an otherwise inconsequential Irishman can take center stage in a world where important stuff actually happens. But his ego will prevent him from ever realizing that his pathetic little shows are nothing more than a modern ‘opiate for the masses’. A pseudo religious experience, where by merely watching, the people can fool themselves into feeling like they’ve actually done something of value.
And don’t forget the performers who used the opportunity of a global telecast to promote their music.
Oh yeah, and to help, “make poverty history.”
I liked the way Bono put it, “We’re not lookin’ fer charity…we’re lookin’ fer justice.”
Yeah right.
Earth to Bono….you are, in fact, looking for charity. Asking the leaders of the G 8 to double relief to Africa is asking for more money which is, last time I checked, CHARITY!!! Charity on the backs of our middle class and poor who ultimately pay the price of foreign aid. Asshole.
But let’s pretend that this wasn’t about politics and rock star egos. Let’s pretend it was about the music. Music for the people.
It all started in Tokyo when the Live 8 global experience was opened by Bjork. What is Bjork anyway? Her name sounds like wet burp. We know she’s from Iceland. Apparently she’s a star there, which only reinforces my belief that they use lead pipes in their stills.
Bob Geldof was surprised and disappointed that only half the venue filled in Tokyo, even though it was FREE. Bob!! Bob you idiot. You gave them Bjork. Her performance made Yoko Ono look good, really good by comparison. Anyone who saw it hated Bjork….repeatedly. The French got Shakira for Chrisakes!! The Japs got Bjork which in this context sounds like a genital skin condition. They were insulted and are going to hate the west for years to come. All of our consumer electronics are going to skyrocket in price because of Bob Geldof. You’ll see.
Yes, the Paris show featured Latin superstar Shakira, who once again stirred all the male hormones of the planet with the ease of a shimmy of her wonderful hips. She writes, sings and performs in two languages and has more ‘heat’ than J-Lo will ever know. Whereas nobody is really sure what language Bjork sings in, if any. Maybe she’s just channeling whale song relayed back from ‘the space people’ of Dalek 9. Whatever, Shakira rocked and Japan sucked. Is it just me, or does Bjork look like Michael Jackson?
Berlin was interesting. The show there seemed to highlight once again why there are no famous German bands. The highlight, if you can call it that, was a band called: ‘Die Toten Hosen’. Which translates quite accurately to; ‘The Dead Trousers.’ Now, maybe they meant ‘The Dead Panties’ or ‘The Dead Underwear’, but neither of these seems like much of an improvement…so trousers it shall remain.
They did a very loud and unpleasant cover version of ‘Hang on Sloopy,’ the 1965 hit by ‘The McCoys.’ Fuck. No wonder they invade their neighbors every few years. Dying on the fields of battle must be way more pleasant than going to a German dance club.
“Hans, why are you putting on that heavy uniform?”
“Because Grettle wants me to take her dancing. It’s either that or march on Volgograd in the dead of winter.”
“And so?”
“So I’m warming up the tank.”
The Philadelphia show had the Black Eyed Peas, and they had to be good. The band has really rocked since that rock hottie, Fergie, joined the group.
The rest of the shows had old names and wannabe’s and when all is said and done, gave Sir Bob his moment in the sun. Again. But he’s not alone. We saw Brad (who really isn’t going out with Angelina Jolie….really!!) Pitt getting out front to loan his support prior to going home and not having sex with Angelina Jolie, who he’s not going out with at all. And of course winging his way up to Scotland is George Clooney to make sure the message is delivered with all the weight he can bring to bear on the leaders of the G 8 and their wives.
Me, I’m glad it’s all over. Now we can all get back to our normal way of life and doing things they way they have always been done. “We don’t want your justice, we want your money.” Because all those despotic bastards who run the African countries know what Sir Bob Geldof really knows but won’t admit, that with enough money, you can have all the justice you want.
~ AP
Posted by Anonymous Pundit at July 3, 2005 10:23 PM