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May 05, 2005
Greeks Demand Justice
Athens (AP) – With the success of the recent Olympics behind them, Greek Prime Minister Costas Karamanlis has petitioned the makers of Trojan brand condoms to change the name to something more ‘Greek.’
“After three thousand years the Greek people have had enough of this outrage. We came up with the horse. We won the war. We licked, I mean, kicked Trojan ass. But who gets their name on the condoms? Troy. It’s a travesty.”
Nick Popalotonlips, spokesman for the Greek American Society in Boston which is leading the movement in the United States added, “How well did Hector protect Troy? Really? How well? And what about that long, smooth coastal plain that the Greek soldiers went back and forth and back and forth on? How well did that protect Troy? Huh? How well did the walls protect them when we just slipped inside after getting them to open wide and let us in? The gates I mean. How well? What I’m getting at, is that when you think of Troy, the idea of protection doesn’t exactly come to mind now does it?”
But the makers of Trojan condoms http://www.trojancondoms.com/ have no intention of changing the name, as explained by Constantine Opall, President of the company.
“I think the Greeks are way off on this one. Sure they won the war. But they did so because their horse ‘leaked’ soldiers into the very womb of the city. Now if that’s not bad association for a condom, I don’t know what is.”
He went on to add, “Let’s face it, it’s about marketing. Grabbing a Trojan or two to get you through the night, um, four in my case if any ladies are reading this, just sounds better. Grabbing a Greek so you don’t get pregnant has imagery I’m just not comfortable with. Is a real ‘man’ going to grab a box of Athenians? I doubt it. And what about telling your lady friend that you’re ready for her now that you’re penis is covered with a Heliopolis? The idea is to keep her around, not scare her off.
“I think the whole thing got blown out of proportion when Costas saw Brad Pitt playing Achilles in the movie Troy. Let’s face it, he’s Greek.”
Since Troy was located in what is now modern day Turkey, the office of the Turkish President, Ahmet Necdet Sezersaid was contacted for his view. The president’s advisors declined comment, saying only that he had a prior commitment that involved an amphora of olive oil and a boy’s prison.
~ AP
Posted by Anonymous Pundit at May 5, 2005 08:11 AM