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May 23, 2005
Dad, should I dump my girlfriend for using my razor? (Part 3)
Or
Move over Doc Johson, Here comes Doc Gillette
*** READ PARTS ONE & TWO FIRST ***
The product I’m referring to is the new “M3 Power” Razor by Gillette which I have been using for about two months now and the very recently released, “Venus Vibrance” which is the feminized version.
I know, I know. How does he go from pubic hair to razors? Bare with me.
Every once in a while a new product comes along that sets a new standard so much higher that the rest, that you have to take note. This is one of those. Simply put, it is the best razor in the world. But you have to get through the product hype to understand how they actually work.
Hype for the ‘M3’ says that electrical impulses raise the hairs on your face allowing the closest shave ever. The ‘Venus Vibrance’ hype claims that it gently exfoliates to instantly reveal more radiant skin. Both claims are half truths. Here’s how it actually works.
The razor works with a small AAA battery that powers a small spinning shaft with a slightly off balance weight. It runs very quietly and discreetly. This effect causes very small and intense vibrations in the razor itself, eliminating the need for multiple strokes across your face or, um, whatever. And it really works. Very well. Just ask my girlfriend who has been in the bath for nearly two hours now and from the sounds of things is having another incredible shave. Yep. There she goes again. Just shaving and shaving. I find it odd because I never noticed enough hair to justify the time. I guess she’s just meticulous. Seems like she’s searching for something else to shave. Sometimes she even borrows my razor for a day or two in case she has to shave during the day. Strange girl.
So as I say, ignore the hype. It just sounds better than the technical truth. Let’s face it, how well would this sell: “The new M3 Power from Gillette. It vibrates so you don’t have to.” Nah….stick with the electrical impulses and radiant skin.
So how does all of this relate to the dream? I’ve thought about it and it’s like this:
My son is actually just 11 years old. And his will be the first generation of young men who will grow up in an age where feminine pubic hair is, from a style perspective, frowned upon in its natural state. And I say, good for him. Pubes are definitely a case where less is more.
Eons ago when we were thumping around the forests and sleeping in caves, a thick luxuriant mass of oily hair probably served a valuable purpose, keeping out nasty little crawly things and providing, perhaps, some warmth.
But now, especially with today’s styles and social hygiene, why keep that stuff around? It’s just plain nasty. If you can keep your dinner down, picture a 60’s style bush creeping out from under, over and around today’s delightful undies or bikinis. Yeah….uck! uck! It looks bad and at the risk of seeming indiscreet, it gets in the way. I’ve checked with the American Dental association as well as its Canadian counterpart, and there is not one single dentist or oral hygienist who will tell you that it’s a good idea to floss and eat at the same time. Not one.
Then there’s the hairy legged hippie set who will tell you that it’s natural so it must be best to leave it. So are wisdom teeth and warts and numerous other unpleasant side effects of being human. Should we leave all of those alone too?
Some decry, “We’ll all look like we’re twelve years old.”
No you won’t.
Along with the fuzz come things like hips and the other parts that define your femininity. Hair does not. If it did, then men would chase dumb hairy creatures instead of just acting like them. If it moves in the wind, it’s too long.
When it comes to hair down there, have fun with it. It doesn’t have to go completely. In fact a cute little directional landing strip can be fun. And with the ‘M3’ or ‘Vibrance’ razors hitting the market, it will be easier and more pleasant than ever to do so. I am predicting a world with less and less of the stuff. As I said, just ask my…oh, there she goes again. 
And lest you think that this is a one sided thing, don’t be too quick to judge.
Guy’s, think #2 setting and do what you should. Really, it’s for the best. Get rid of that mess. Besides, it will look bigger. (That ought to do it.)
Damn!! Now there’s a great product that doesn’t exist. “The new Gillette Male Hair Trimmer…..it will look bigger in just five minutes!!”
It’ll sell millions……..
On behalf of my son and all the other grateful guys out there, “Thanks Gillette!!”
~ AP
Posted by Anonymous Pundit at May 23, 2005 06:59 AM