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April 22, 2005
Svend Robinson Rumors – Just Stop It!
Vancouver (AP) – The Pundit wants to share his opinion that there is no truth to any rumors, no truth whatsoever, that one time Parliamentarian, Svend Robinson is padding his income as a part time boy bangin’ backdoor buddy in a Bangkok bordello. Nor can it be confirmed that when asked his opinion of the capital of Thailand, that his reply was; “Bangcock? Ooooo…I like the sound of that.”
So you just put those thoughts right out of your head.
~ AP
*** Also posted on paralaxe.com ***
Posted by Anonymous Pundit at 09:25 AM | Comments (2)
The Unbearable Lightness of Being Prime Minister
This letter was emailed to the Prime Ministers office on April 22, 2005. Copies were sent to Stephen Harper, Jack Layton and Gilles Duceppe, the leaders of the other parties in Ottawa.
Let's see what happens.....
~ AP
**************************************************
Dear Mr. Martin:
It’s time to go.
You have brought this country to a new official low, and for that, “You’re fired.”
I know it wasn’t all your doing. It couldn’t have been. Even at your best you couldn’t have pulled off all the twisted corruption that lies at the heart of the party you lead and the office you hold. You’re just not good enough. That rotten little Jean Cretien left you with a pile of garbage to deal with and it’s beginning to reek. But the fact remains that it is your garbage now and you sir, are responsible for it.
So the only two possible questions are:
“Did you lie about what you knew and what you did?”
or
“Were you so incompetent that you didn’t know what was happening around you?”
Either way you’re doomed. Doomed to stand at the head of a line of ‘joke’ politicians whose legacy will always be tarnished by either a single event or circumstances beyond their control. For you it’s probably a combination of both. So sad but true.
Kim Campbell was one. No force on this earth or the heavens above could have won that election for her. But she stood up and went in and fought the good fight and took it on the nose for the better of the country.
She had balls.
You do not.
While watching your speech last night….no….speech is the wrong word. Pathetic, begging, entreaty to the people of Canada is the better term for it. While watching that shameful display I was reminded of a scene from the movie ‘Scarface’ with Al Pacino. The scene where his coke dealer, car salesman boss, Frank Lopez is on his knees begging for his life.
“Noooo Tony! Don’t kill me Tony! Please don’t kill me! You can have anything you want! Anything! But please don’t kill me!”
Now you, the elected Prime Minister of a great country have lowered yourself to begging. Begging for your political life.
That is the low I was referring to at the start of this letter.
My God sir, have you no pride?
When Tylenol had its crisis, what did it do?
The company did the most unheard of and one of the most brilliant moves in the history of business. They pulled ALL of their product from all of the shelves, knowing full well that most of it would be fine. But they didn’t take any chances with the people. Their business has been handsomely rewarded ever since.
When Martha Stewart was convicted, what did she do?
Did she cry and whine and beg for freedom? Did she waste years of time and no doubt millions of dollars, both personal and public, to launch appeal after appeal? No. She said “Fine, let’s get on with it.” She went to jail as fast as she could. She did her time without complaint and got on with her life and the life of her business. And even though she is still under house arrest, she is being handsomely and deservedly rewarded for what she has done. She will end up bigger and better than ever.
She’s got balls too Mr. Martin. Something I believe you once had, but haven’t found in years.
If you had half the guts you should you would be leading the call for another election. Make the people decide. Throw down the writ like a challenge to the people, to put their vote on a piece of paper and see what happens. Then, if you are re-elected, you will have the moral right to govern.
Then, you will have to wait for the Gomery inquiry to end and then you will be tested again to see how hard you hit back at the litany of crooks and liars.
Mr. Martin, you have wealth beyond any scope I will ever attain. You never have to work another day in your life. Ever. So the only reason I can think of for continuing as you do in politics is ego.
A huge ego. But pride goeth before the fall Mr. Martin. And that’s what I don’t get.
With an ego like that, how can you beg the way you do? It’s a strange dichotomy to watch in action. A man who acts with a huge ego, but no pride.
Tonight Mr. Martin, I want you to go home. And when it’s dark and nobody’s watching, I want you to reach down and see if you have any balls left. And if you find you do, then give them a squeeze and use them. And let’s see if they’re as big as Martha’s.
So don’t wait to be forced into it. Call an election. Let us, the people (you do remember the people don’t you?) decide what we want. And then if we screw up, you’ll be able to say, “I told you so.”
And your pants will fit better too.
~ AP
Posted by Anonymous Pundit at 08:42 AM | Comments (0)
April 20, 2005
Let’s get Political…Political!!
There’s a lot happening in Canadian politics these days…and most of it reeks like a putrefying corpse on a hot sunny day. We’re going to get provincial soon, from a British Columbia perspective at least. But for now, let’s focus on the embarrassment that our Federal Government has become. Of course you may have to rub some Vick’s Vaporub on your upper lip so you can stand the stench.
Before I start trashing our current leader, and I use the term loosely, I will take you back on a historical glimpse to a time just two years ago.
I called it. I saw it. I knew it. I just didn’t know how bad it was.
What follows is the transcript of an email that I sent to the Prime Minister’s office on March 26th, 2003. It was also copied to Herb Dhaliwal.
It was not well received.
It was a crazy time with emotions running in high gear. And as you read it now, from a historical perspective, put your feelings about the war in Iraq aside and focus instead on the man. The central subject in the email and tell me if I didn’t hit the nail right on the head.
When Richard Nixon got run out of town his name became synonymous with terms like corruption and cheating and public disgrace. He didn’t get half the kicking around he deserved. He now looks like a saint compared to Jean Cretien.
Jean Cretien has now established a new low in Canadian politics and as each day passes, his personal legacy sets the bar a little lower and a little lower still.
The final chapter has yet to be written in regards the “Little Crook From Shawinigan,” and I’m not sure I even want to read it when it does.
Dear Jean;
You rancid little shit. You make me ashamed to be a Canadian by refusing to support our great friends, the United States, in the war in Iraq. England seems to understand. Australia seems to get it. Why not you? If we were in trouble they would help us in a second. And what's worse is that we have to tolerate the mindless prattle of such luminaries as Herb Dhaliwal in support of you and knocking Ralph Klein. All Herb ever does is make noise now and again so people will notice he's still alive. Unfortunately he gets noticed for this. Do you two fools think you are going to accomplish anything positive here? When we have to sit with the US and settle things like softwoods lumber issues, do you suppose this will help the sentiments at the table? Of course it won't. But what matter to you? You're just going to leave the mess for Paul Martin to have to deal with while you write some empty memoirs. Well I've got news for you Jean. You're not Pierre Trudeau and never will be. So don't bother writing anything unless you want to be looking at your face from the dollar bin at Wal-Mart. You know the one. It’s that bin of books usually located between the feminine hygiene products and the hemorrhoid cream. Hmmm... then again maybe it would be the right place for a book by you.
Perhaps it’s because of the United Nations Security Council. Is that it? They don't agree with the position of the US? Like the opinion of Cameroon should matter about anything. It’s a failed notion that was doomed from the start. It was the global social equivalent of putting crime bosses on the board of an Anti Crime Commission. But that's never stopped you from trailing along has it? So sad really. And now our streets are polluted with a growing number of people chanting slogans of peace. Here's something for you Jean, and maybe you can explain it to them too: By definition, peace is achieved as a resolution of conflict. You don't just have peace. You have to earn it and maintain it with vigilance and the occasional use of force to maintain it. If you don't understand this concept, look up the term "Pax Romana" and have someone explain it to you if need be.
You and your cronies can't resign or leave soon enough for the rest of the country Jean. Don't bother to stop to wave goodbye. We won't be waving back.
Posted by Anonymous Pundit at 09:49 AM | Comments (0)
April 18, 2005
Prime Minister Ted?
With an election looming in Canada, I was hoping that Ted Nugent might move to Canada today so we can elect him to run this lawless land.
Ok, maybe it’s not completely lawless. May God help you if you don’t declare your tips as income or try to build a small addition to your house without asking or accidentally use politically incorrect language in public.
But it seems that the most visible applications of the “laws” here are when police officers are prosecuted for doing their jobs by the system they swore to protect. Or when murderous street racers get a slap on the wrist instead of deported in separate pieces in separate boxes on separate flights….like they deserve.
So read on about a what Ted has been up to as of late and admit that maybe, there is hope after all.
Rocker Ted Nugent spurs on NRA members in Texas
HOUSTON (AP) - With an assault weapon in each hand, rocker and gun rights advocate Ted Nugent urged National Rifle Association members to be "hardcore, radical extremists demanding the right to self-defence."
Speaking at the NRA's annual convention Saturday, Nugent said each NRA member should try to enrol 10 new members over the next year and associate only with other members.
"Let's next year sit here and say, 'Holy smokes, the NRA has 40 million members now,' " he said. "No one is allowed at our barbecues unless they are an NRA member. Do that in your life."
Nugent sang and played a guitar painted with red and white stripes for the crowd at Houston's downtown convention centre. He drew the most cheers when he told gun owners they should never give up their right to bear arms and should use their guns to protect themselves if needed.
"Remember the Alamo! Shoot 'em!" he screamed to applause. "To show you how radical I am, I want carjackers dead. I want rapists dead. I want burglars dead. I want child molesters dead. I want the bad guys dead. No court case. No parole. No early release. I want 'em dead! Get a gun and when they attack you, shoot 'em!"
Posted by Anonymous Pundit at 08:15 AM | Comments (0)
April 12, 2005
You're selling what?!?!
It’s that disturbing time of year again when we are forced to face one of our greatest fears. A fear, genuine and real, based on horrific experiences through the annals of time.
They come around in blue and brown droves, selling their wares or having their well meaning parents do the work for them, holding all and sundry in the workplace hostage till the expected ransom is paid and the floor is littered with crumbs.
I’m talking about Girl Guide Cookies. The magical and mythical biscuits from heaven in two luscious flavors. Brown and white. But I for one never want to buy them. Maybe it’s because of a dream I once had. A dream that made me question a lot of things.
I was dreaming about girl guides. No, not in a Roman Polanski perverse kind of way, but rather in an analytical way in regards the cookie distribution cartel they seem to control. And I got to thinking about what went into those cookies. I know what goes into peanut butter cookies. I know what goes into oatmeal cookies. I know what goes into white chocolate and macadamia nut cookies. And so naturally it made me think of what may be in Girl Guide cookies.
Look, I’m not proposing that there is some secret ‘Soylent Green’ conspiracy happening here. The numbers are too staggering for that to be going on for more than a year or two. But still, its one of those niggling little things that I can’t shake and so I just don’t want to buy them.
I don’t buy monkey brains either. But that’s easy. There’s nobody in the office shaking a box of monkey brains at me and laying a none too subtle guilt trip on me by making it clear that if I and I alone do not buy some of the proffered goods that ‘somebody’ won’t be able to go to summer camp this year.
So I give in as I do every year. I buy a box.
Brown flavor this year.
I hope ‘somebody’ gets ticks.
**Also posted on Paralaxe.com**
Posted by Anonymous Pundit at 08:10 AM | Comments (0)
April 09, 2005
The Race heats Up
Vatican City (AP) – The world has said goodbye to John Paul II and with his funeral over, the Catholic Church is ready to get down to business. The business of electing and supporting a new Pope.
Rumors have given rise to a surprise front runner. Cardinal Cormac Murphy-O’Connor, the Archbishop of Westminster. Ever since Henry VIII pulled England from the grips of Rome and named himself head of the Church of England, the Catholic church has been trying to get England back into the fold, or at least make headway with the citizenry. With the rise of royal bashing and the distaste that so many Britons have for Prince Charles and his new bride, Camilla, there is a renewed sense of hope within the walls of the Vatican that progress can finally be made.
To this end, an English Pope could, in the eyes of many, be the break that Rome has been looking for these past 400 years. In a combined effort to appeal to the massively popular following of Pope John Paul II as well the people of England, Cardinal Murphy-O’Connor is rumored to be considering the name, Pope John Paul George Ringo.
The world will be waiting.
“…Mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom, ‘Let it Be’”
~ AP
Posted by Anonymous Pundit at 06:34 AM | Comments (0)